I had a friend in 4th grade who was jealous of me, and she told me so. She bawled; I’ll never forget it, that day on the playground. That day, I decided I would never make anyone jealous of me ever again. I didn’t want to see anyone in pain, ever, and certainly not because of me.
For the next 25 years, I didn’t dare shine too brightly. As if my shining was going to be the shadow over someone else.
And when I did shine, I made sure to make fun of myself for it. I was self-deprecating because if I was going to shine, at least they would know that I didn’t mean to.
Looking back now, there was nothing I did to cause that person to be jealous. In fact, I now know that I can’t CAUSE anyone to feel anything because we are all responsible for our own emotions! Isn’t that wild??
I’ve thought about this many times over the years. I’ve been shiny, and then I’ve been dull, and I’ve talked myself into shining, and then I’ve retreated back into dullness.
What I’m learning now through Bob Proctor Coaching is that it really does take repetition to change a habit. It’s lovely to recognize that I don’t have to be dull when I really want to shine. But HABIT is what controls me, not an occasional lovely thought here and there. I have to put those lovely thoughts into practice over and over before I will change.
Honestly, even writing this is giving me the creeps because I know (I don’t know, actually – I’m engaging in an Automatic Negative Thought (ANT) of Mind Reading)…I “know” that someone out there is going to read this and think “oh, she thinks she’s so great” and I’m going to be like, “No! I don’t think that!” and then I’ll retreat back into my corner where I don’t disturb anybody. Man, this is a baaaad paradigm of mine.
Jealousy is unnecessary, people! I should think I’m great! You should think you’re great! Today, Bob called me “dynamo locked up in a physical body” and you know what? So are you!
Someone said this is what society does to women, it pits us against each other to weaken us.
Well, you know Bob Proctor and I don’t focus on problems – we focus on what we want instead of what we don’t want. No more blaming society. Oh, society made you a jealous cynic? Fine – now that you know, take responsibility for yourself and take action. I am aware now and I’m done with it. I want to shine. I want the women around me to shine. I want them to blind me with their light!
And guess what? My light is not mine. It’s everyone’s. When I shine, I’m representing…shininess. Yeah, that’s what I said! The light that I project is not mine alone. I can project it, you can project it – it’s just a matter of tapping into it and sharing it with others!
I love the Howard Thurman quote, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” It’s so true. We love people who are alive, on fire with their passion, and who share it with us. That’s shining, and you know what? I’m giving myself permission to shine. Are you?